Fleeting
by ILoveYouRobot
Summary: Vignettes, more or less, of Robert and Bates' relationship during the war and a little after.
1. Chapter 1

Sprawled out before him was Downton. The sound of the gravel under his feet was audible as Robert walked past the reverberant green lawn up to the door. He reached for the handle and then nothing. He tried again but it was the same. "What-?" he murmured.

"Sir?" someone was saying. He turned but no one was there. It was only Downton, pure and bathed in sunlight.

"Sir?"

Robert jumped. With much chagrin, he realized he was not at home. He was still in Africa, still miles and miles away from Downton.

"Sir, are you alright? You were talking in your sleep."Bates was sitting at his side in the dark.

"I'm fine." Robert replied quietly.

"Alright, sir"

Robert smiled. Bates was impossibly calm and quiet, a nice reminder of home. Robert had often thought over the months that they had spent together that it was unfortunate that he might never had met John if not for this war.

"And you, Bates? How are you fairing?"

John chuckled. "I think I am doing well, sir."

"Don't you miss England?"

"I don't really know, sir." He sat down next to Robert and fell back on the tent.

"Downton is beautiful this time of year." Robert sighed, unable to keep the note of sentimentality out of his voice.

"I'm sure."

Robert turned his eyes to Bates. Surveying him, he muttered quietly, "You should see it someday, Bates."

"You talk about it so frequently, sir, I've seen it plenty of times in my mind."

Laughing, Robert nodded. "I do love Downton. When I'm away everything reminds me of it. It's consoling to think that it's out there, waiting..."

Bates said nothing in reply. They sat quietly for a few moments, no noise except for the the wind in the trees. At length, Bates stood.

"I think, sir, I'll turn in for the night...unless you need me?"

Robert smiled up at him.

"No,Bates. Go in and rest. I'll be in shortly."

"Fine,sir. Goodnight." Bates strode off and Robert heard the tent flap open and close as he went inside.

Robert sighed and looked back up at the the sky. Far, far away Downton, his mother and father...As he walked into the tent he couldn't help but think that the only thing that felt remotely familiar here was Bates. Bates rolled over, now facing Robert.

"Sir? Are you alright? You seem..forgive me, but you seem troubled."

"It's nothing, Bates. Only-" He paused and with a sigh he grasped the back of John's head and pressed his lips to his. Realizing the gravity of the situation he had created, Robert pulled away, blushing profusely and not daring to meet John's eyes.

Neither of them spoke for moment. Robert stared down at the ground and tried to compose himself.

"S-sir?" Bates asked quietly.

"I...I'm sorry, Bates...incredibly sorry. This is inexcusable. I've put you in a horrible position."

Robert sighed. He moved to leave the tent but Bates grabbed his wrist and he heard him murmur hoarsely, "Not so horrible, sir."

Bewildered, he slowly raised his head and uneasily allowed himself to look at Bates.

"I don't-"

"Your apology was unnecessary, sir. Pray don't...don't be uneasy...I..."

Unable to explain himself, Bates sighed. Holding Robert's gaze, John stood gracefully and gripped the other man's shoulder. That was enough for both of them. Robert smiled and reached for John's hand. They both inched closer towards one another until their lips met yet again, more sure of themselves this time. Gradually, John shifted down to Robert's neck as he grasped his neck yet again. With a small sigh, Robert drew John back up to his lips. This was the most comfortable he had felt since leaving home, the most contented. Being so close to John, the feel of his warm mouth pressed against his was reassuring that their was a calm, quiet world outside of the one they currently inhabited. With this in mind, he wrapped his arms around Bates and pulled him closer.


	2. Chapter 2

_All__attempts__to__learn__about__the__First__Boer__War__proved__rather__fruitless__so__I__tried__to__make__the__setting__as__vague__as__possible__rather__than__make__a__historically__inaccurate__one.__Apologies._

"Are you ready, Bates?" Robert asked, as Bates brushed off his jacket for what could be the final time.

"I don't think you can be ready for something like this, sir." he replied.

"No, I suppose not…." Robert sighed. He and John looked at one another. They said nothing. What could they say? Either of them could be dead in moments, could have died many times up until now. Robert opened his mouth, hoping some brilliant words might follow, but none did.

"We best get going, sir." Bates said finally. Robert swallowed and nodded sadly.

And then Robert was suddenly on the ground, someone lying on top of him, holding him there.

"Bates?" he breathed,trying to make as little sound as possible. "Yes, sir." Overwhelmed, Robert shut his eyes. Of course, who else would it be but Bates?

Now devoid of most of his senses, the only thing Robert was able to comprehend was the noise. Guns being fired, screams, the harsh hurtling of bodies hitting the ground- terrible, vicious, all encompassing noise.

It slowly slackened and Bates weight vanished. Robert cautiously raised his head. Bates stood next to him, offering him his hand.

"Thank you, Bates." He murmured, taking John's hand and pulling himself up.

As they moved on, Robert tried to keep John in his sight or at least in the corner of his eye. John was there now and he slowly slipped beyond John's view. Robert turned but still found that he couldn't see Bates. In the distance something lay on the ground. Robert swallowed and felt his stomach knot. Panic drove him as he ran back. As he drew closer there was no doubting that it was John.

"Bates…" Robert took several panic stricken breaths as he knelt down next to him. "Are you alright?"

"Mm-m-m-my leg."

Robert glanced down. Blood was pouring John's knee and thigh. Robert gripped John's elbow and though his face was turning pale, John managed to look up at Robert.

"We'll come out of this-both of us. Just...hold on." He grasped Bates' arm tighter but if John could feel it was uncertain. His eyes were barely open. Robert felt as though this were all some bizarre dream where he and John were in the middle of some tumbling storm. His senses were suppressed and all he could understand was that he had hold of John. Robert lowered himself next to him. With a visible effort, Bates placed his hand on top of Robert's.Robert smiled sadly. Moments passed and Robert was almost certain that John was slipping away before his eyes.

"B-Bates?"

Miraculously, Bates' eyes slowly opened. He stared up at Robert, clenching his jaw, his hand still covering his.

"You should leave, sir." he said weakly.

"Leave you when you're in this condition? Bates, you have to know that would be impossible."

"Sir you really ought-"

"Enough, Bates! You've been unimaginably loyal to me through this whole affair. I can't leave you here, now, when you're injured like this. What sort of repayment would abandoning you be?"

Robert paused. He glanced down at Bates' leg. It was far worse than it had been moments ago, as though the wounds had been multiplied while he had been lying there. Robert sighed. Suddenly Bates cringed and pressed his hand.

"You need help." Robert said quietly.

"Sir, I don't-"

"Bates, you're weak and there's no sense in arguing. You won't dissuade me."

Bates reopened his eyes. Robert sighed as he saw tears in John's eyes. Grasping him by the shoulders, Robert eased Bates up until he was sitting.

"I don't suppose you can stand on your own?"

Bates shook his head.

"Well, we'll get you help somehow. Here."

Robert pulled John to his feet, leaning him forward so almost all his weight was pressed into Robert's chest. He threaded one arm through Bates' shoulders and placed the other man's arm over his shoulders. He clasped John to his side, trying to support as much of him as he could.

"I'm sorry,Bates. I don't think I can carry you."

"I couldn't let you do that, sir."Bates rasped.

Bates gasped in pain as they took their first step. Robert felt his fingernails digging into his shoulder. They slowly fell into a rhythm, Robert taking a step and John hobbling afterward.

"John, it's going to be over soon. Are you listening?" Robert murmured , glancing over at Bates, who's face was pallid. He was struggling to keep his eyes open. "Yes, sir." he replied in a quiet voice. Finding his throat suddenly tight, Robert only nodded in response. _It__will__end_ s_oon_ Robert thought _John__will__recover.__It__will__end._


	3. Chapter 3

Somehow they progressed in this way. Though by the time they reached medical aid Robert was uncertain if John would survive.

"We're safe now. We made it, Bates." he whispered, lowering John onto a cot.

"What's happened to him?" A passing doctor and assistant stopped and the doctor was rolling up Bates' pant leg.

"I'm not certain. I only saw him fall and I...I..." Robert couldn't continue. His voice was choked as he saw Bates' leg, now entirely exposed. A hideous, agonized collage of brown, black and deep red. Through all the blood, both dried and fresh, it was impossible to tell where it was emanating from. He couldn't conceive the pain that John must be in. The mere thought of it repulsed him so much that Robert turned away and dare not look back.

"Most of these are rather shallow but he must be operated on immediately. It would help a great deal if you could hold him down so I may be as precise as possible. If you would just put your arm over his chest."

Robert nodded frantically. He stretched his arm across John's chest until he gripped the other side of the cot.

"You'll be alright, Bates, you'll pull through." Robert said, trying to keep his voice as steady as he could but it was no use. He could feel it wavering as the words passed through his lips.

As the doctor made the first incisions Bates face contorted in pain. Robert couldn't bear to look. He settled his eyes on John's chest, watching it rise and fall unsteadily. No sooner had he done that than John began to groan. With his free hand Robert grasped Bates' arm.

"It's almost over now, old chap, I-I promise." Of course Robert had no idea if this was true but at that moment he would've given anything, his own life even, to end this miserable scene. He was on the verge of demanding that the doctor stop when he felt Bates relax beneath him.

"It's done?" Robert asked, his voice rising with hope.

"Yes, it's done. There's no reason he shouldn't recover though he has lost a great deal of blood. With some rest he should be fine."

The doctor moved on. Robert bowed his head and took several deep breaths. One nightmare has ended at least, he thought and settled himself on the ground next to Bates.


	4. Chapter 4

Robert sat quietly next to Bates. He laid his hand on top of the other's, relishing the fact he could still feel a pulse running through it. Night slowly fell and Bates slowly woke with it.

"Hello, old man. How are you feeling?" Robert asked. Bates sighed and looked over at Robert.

"Have you been here all this time, sir?"

"Where else would I be, Bates, besides here, keeping vigil?" Bates chuckled then turned his eyes away.

"Can I get you anything?" He shifted uncomfortably on the cot.

"Sir, I can't ask-"

"Enough of these protests, Bates. I realize you're my batman but….we are friends as well, aren't we?"

"...Yes, sir."

"Then let me assist you. Do you need anything?"

"Really, sir, I don't need anything."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, sir."

As Robert sat back down on the ground he felt Bates grab his wrist.

"Sir…I can never thank you as you deserve."

"There are no thanks necessary. You protected me. This was the least I could do in return."

They both sighed-each wanting to say more but unsure of exactly what.

"What will happen to me now?" Bates asked quietly

"The doctor says you'll be fine but you'll still be sent home, no doubt."

"And...you'll get a replacement batman?"

Robert chuckled, "I doubt anyone will be a proper replacement for you, old chap."


	5. Chapter 5

As the train sped him to London, Robert's mind was troubled. He didn't know if he would ever see John again. He liked to think that someday they would meet again through some happy chance but that seemed so unlikely. Still he didn't want the last image he had of him to be John lying pale and in pain. He was meant to ride from London directly to Downton. There would be no break in between, no way he could stop and track Bates down. Robert sighed and fished in his pocket for some paper and a pencil. Everything he wrote had to be genuine. Hesitantly he pressed the pencil to the paper.

_Bates,_

_ I hope you are doing well. You can't know how often I've been panicked by the memory of the last time I saw you. _

_ Please, Bates, whenever you are in need do not hesitate to write. After everything that has passed between us I cannot imagine how I can ever repay you for the constancy you provided in these past dark months. The bond we have made has been, for me, one of the most meaningful of my life. I flatter myself to think that I mean as much to you as you do to me. _

_Sincerely, Robert Crawley_

Robert read over the letter several times, trying to make certain that everything he felt towards John was in it. He began to reread it once again when the train came to halt. Sighing, he folded the paper and gently placed it in his pocket.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm afraid, sir, that the train to Yorkshire has been delayed."

"That's alright. You wouldn't know how delayed, by any chance?"

"It wouldn't be more than an hour or so."

"Thank you."

Robert slowly walked away the train station. An hour or so to wait in London. The letter still rested in his pocket and he smiled as he realized that John no doubt would be at his mother's home.

Wandering about the city, looking for John's address, Robert began to feel as though he were back on Earth. Hoping that his memory was correct, he found the house that he believed John had said he was living in. It was rather unassuming and dark, though not unpleasant. Not entirely unlike Bates, Robert thought with a smile as he knocked on the door.

A small middle-aged woman appeared in the doorway.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Yes, that is I think so. I'm looking for a John Bates. He was my batman and-"

"Viscount Grantham, I'm sorry. Please come in. I'm John's mother." The woman bit her lip and stood to the side as Robert stepped into the house. Shutting the door, she said quietly, "I hate to disappoint you, your lordship, but I'm afraid he's asleep."

"He is here, though? He made it home safely?"

"As safely as he was sent back."

Robert closed his eyes.

"Ah. I would hate to disturb him. Please forgive me for this intrusion. I wonder...," He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the paper that lay there. "I've written him a letter. Would you mind if I left it for him?"

"Not at all, your lordship." replied Mrs. Bates. She held out her hand for the envelope but Robert still clutched it at his side.

"Would...would it be terribly inconvenient if I were to take the letter in? He was in rather poor condition when I last saw him and...though he isn't awake, I still..."

"Try not to wake him. It's that room, just there." she said, gesturing to a door behind her.

"Thank you."

Robert tried to be as quiet as he could as he walked to the door. It creaked slightly as he pushed it open. The room was not well lit. Only a little afternoon sunlight permeated the brown curtain that hung over the window. It was just enough to see the outline of a shape on the bed. Robert drew closer. The profile that lay on the pillow, the shoulders, the hand that hung over the bed grew more and more familiar until there was no mistaking it. With a deep breath, he gently laid the letter on the table next to the bed. He knew he should leave then. He had no reason to stay. However he found himself immobile, only able to stand and stare down at John's equally still form. John shifted in his sleep and his head rolled softly to the side. Robert now could see his face clearly. With another deep breather he moved to grasp his hand but there was a creak in the hall. Instantly he plunged his hand back into his pocket and took a step away from the bed. He heard a creak from the hall and Mrs. Bates came into the room.

"I'm sorry for intruding, Mrs. Bates. You've been very obliging. Thank you." Attempting to conceal his face, Robert swept from the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Robert rarely spoke of the days in the war when he returned home. There were times, particularly in moments of doubt or stress, that he found himself drawn back to those memories. He knew he couldn't confide in Cora. She would think that she understood but there was no way she could. It would be impossible to completely convey what had happened. No one besides the people there would ever understand.

Then one day, while going through the post, there it was. A letter from John. It had been years since he had left that letter at his bedside and now Robert opened the envelope with hands that one might have said were trembling. The letter was rather short and almost...too formal. As though the years between their correspondence had ebbed away at the connection they had once had. And while he instantly approved Bates as his valet, Robert still felt anxious about receiving him at the house. If John had left the war in the past,as his stiff letter seemed to indicate, perhaps he had left Robert there too. What would it be like, between them?

Finally, the day arrived that John was to come to Downton. Robert made his way downstairs, feeling an emotion that lay somewhere between excitement and panic. He paused for an instant in the doorway of the kitchen and a grin broke out across his face. John looked up and rose with the other servants. Robert realized, as he grasped John's hand, that nothing had altered between. Both were older and the youthful ease of mind had waned in each of them. However, the years that had passed meant little.

"And you'd let me know if you felt it was all too much for you?"

"I would. But it won't be."

"I only wanted to make sure."

"Is that all, my lord?"

"Yes, I think so...it's...it's good to see you,Bates.."

"Thank you, sir. It's good to see you as well."

It would never be as it was. There would surely be moments when they would meet each others eyes and know what they were both thinking. At other times, perhaps, there would be a brush of the leg, a slip of the fingers. Nothing more. What they had shared was meant to be fleeting.


End file.
